Time was, I would flee from any establishment that called itself a “family restaurant.” Before my wife and I had kids, I thought “family restaurant” was code for cheesy and greasy.

I recalled this snobbery the other day while sitting in a Pizza Hut. I reached over to flick a length of cheese from my 6-year-old son’s mouth. He was mesmerized by the strand of mozzarella hanging from his face that he had stretched to the size of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Meanwhile, my 2-year-old jumped down from his toddler chair and made a dash for a video game in the corner that was beckoning him to insert two quarters and kill a deer. As a parent, you appreciate amenities like this.

Today, I’d like to give you my picks for the Top 5 kid-friendly restaurants in Chattanooga.

5. McDonald’s.

Say what you will about the menu at Mickey D’s, but this chain knows kids. More importantly, it knows parents.

The idea of an indoor playground is ingenious. The playground has two functions: It lets the kids burn off excess energy, and it allows parents to use both hands to eat, a rare luxury if you have a 2-year-old child.

Meanwhile, Happy Meals, with their gender-specific plastic toys, provide ideal ammo for the bombardiers at the top of the playground slides.

4. Cracker Barrel Old Country Stores.

Two words say it all: Golf tees. The person who decided to put those little peg games on every table at Cracker Barrel was a wizard of marketing.

My 6-year-old goes nuts trying to solve the puzzle. My wife, on the other hand, has some secret formula for winning the game 100 percent of the time. She is the Tiger Woods of peg puzzles. Frankly, this is not her most endearing quality.

I once finished the game with just two pegs, which makes me: “Purty Darn Smart.”

3. Southern Star.

I can’t help but love an independent restaurant where the owner greets my children by name and saves them sugar cookies behind the counter.

Our boys have been such regulars at this Broad Street establishment that they’ve practically memorized the menu.

A nice touch: Kids get little twisty sticks, like pipe cleaners, that can be used to create artwork. There’s also a basket of children’s books near the front door.

Oh, and the food is great, too.

2. Waffle House.

Ask my boys to pick a restaurant, and nine times out of 10 they’ll say Waffle House. This is a testament to comfort food, friendly service and the sappy goodness of maple syrup.

Several factors make Waffle House restaurants kid-friendly. First, the waitresses almost always engage the boys in small talk. In most restaurants, the wait staff treats kids like they are radioactive.

Also, the Waffle House booths allow you to pin toddlers in their seats with your hip so they can’t run away.

1. Piccadilly Cafeteria.

The biggest pain when taking young children to a restaurant is waiting for the food to arrive. A cafeteria is perfect for kids because it makes getting their food an adventure. Seeing their food in advance helps kids make better choices.

For children, buyer’s remorse is a big problem. My older son, for example, can spot a fleck of seasoned salt at 100 yards. Heaven help if he should get a mutant pinto bean or an irregular macaroni.

The other night, my wife and I hired a baby sitter for a rare night at a restaurant with cloth napkins. Free at last for a leisurely, romantic dinner without children, we chatted for hours — about the kids.

Comments